"Believe in Good Things to Come"

It was ten-o-clock at the end of my 25th birthday and I was sitting in the corner of my mom's closet while she packs to go out of town for the next eight days. It is tradition for my mom to wait till the night before a trip to pack and for me to sit in her closet and help her out.

This time I wasn't much of a help to her but her more of a help to me. I was exhausted. My family had filled my weekend with a lot of fun for my birthday and I pushed through despite a migraine and a really bad chest cold. Not to mention I had woken up at 6:30 that morning to prepare to speak at church in a different congregation/ward then my usual. So by this time on Sunday night I was done. Not to mention I hate when my mom goes out of town. As a kid I use to always get sick when she'd leave, luckily I've mostly outgrown that. 

As I was sitting there "helping" my mom I just broke down into tears. I was frustrated with some of my friendships, exhausted and not super excited about my mom going out of town. These friendships seemed to be taking a tole on me and my health was doing a number on me as well. 

My mom's flight was at 6:00 am the next day, yet she sat there with me and just let me vent. Once I got it all out she gave me a big hug and reminded me of what I had spoken about that morning in my talk. The reason I spoke in a different congregation/ward is because as a returned missionary for my church they are having me go around and share all that I learned from my mission. It has been quite a blessing to me to remind myself what I gained from a very important part of my life. I talked about three things I learned/gained on my mission.

The most important thing I gained was a deep love/appreciation for the Atonement of Jesus Christ as well as his love for me. Knowing that I was never alone in my sorrows and in my pain, just as I had promised the members of this congregation that morning. My mom reminded me of this. 

Whenever I teach a lesson or speak about a certain topic, I seem to go through something immediately after to see if I really believed what I was preaching to many people. Sunday night I knew I believed what I spoke was true. I knew that my Savior had given me my mom to help me through that exact moment, one of the many ways he was proving his love to me. And also gave me strength to then get up from the floor in my mom's closet and move forward. 

Quote found here.

This quote perfectly describes what I was reminded of on Sunday night in my mothers closet. I think it is okay to have a good cry sometimes, in fact I really needed to let all of that frustration out. But then after a big hug from my mom I got and kept walking. I knew it would all work out! But I didn't walk away alone, my Savior was right beside me as I moved forward. I know sometimes he is even carrying me when I can't do it alone. 

You might ask how can you possibly know he is carrying you. 

I know because I've had my pain taken away even just for an hour so I can accomplish something extremely important. 

I've gone through trials that there is no way I could have made it through on my own. 

I felt peace when I should have felt grief and sadness. 

I have felt hope when it would seem as though there wasn't any in sight. 

And the only thing that could have made all of this possible is the Atonement of Jesus Christ. 

I'm so grateful for this knowledge and I'm so grateful for my Savior who was willing to die for me, and for you, so that you and I could live, and not just live but thrive! Life is hard and it is really easy to just push through life with out truly living, hence "Enjoy to the End". This quote, the inspiration behind my blog, helps remind me to enjoy life not just live it. But this quote only does so much, I know its because of the Atonement that I can learn, grow, laugh, cry and keep my chin up!

God Is Real

I saw this video and just felt like shouting from the rooftops,

"GOD IS REAL AND HE LOVES YOU!!!"

But since that isn't socially acceptable, and I don't know of any rooftops where anyone will actually hear me I'm going to say it right here.

I know I have a Heavenly Father. This isn't just an idea in my mind, or something I think might be true. I know I have a Heavenly Father.

And guess what else I know...He loves me. He loves you. And He is a part of my every day life. He is a part of your every day life.

There aren't many things that I'm 100% sure of in life, but this is one of the things I'm 200% sure of!

Sometimes I've found it just takes realizing how much He loves us, just like President Thomas S. Monson (President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints) is saying in the above quote, for us to have the windows opened to the love and blesses He wants to shed upon us. Not to mention all of the blessings He is already bestowing upon us even though we don't recognize it.

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland said, "God is eagerly waiting for the chance to answer your prayers and fulfill your dreams, just as He always has. But He can't if you don't pray, and He can't if you don't dream. In short, He can't if you don't believe."

If you ever feel like God is not there, you can lean on what I know. He is there. He is just waiting for you and for me to just believe! 

In a world where God is being kicked and ignored, I stand up and say... 

He lives, He loves me and I love Him!

One of my closest friends recently shared her thoughts on the exact same topic, check it out here.

8 Ways To Be A Missionary

I recently found a post that is "8 ways 2 be a missionary". I loved it. Ever since I came home for my mission I've been trying to master the art of member missionary work. It is definitely hard, but I will not be deterred from my mission!

His last step is "Be not ashamed". This is my all time favorite. How can we expect to share the Gospel if we steer clear of talking about it because we are embarrassed. Be brave!!

See what Matt from The 8 Ways 2 blog teaches how to be a great missionary without even realizing it:

1. Be a good friend

The other day I was talking to a friend from a different church.  I’ve known him for a couple months and had never asked about his religious beliefs.  I felt the time was right and asked him about his faith.  I showed genuine interest in him.

But guess what? I continued asking about him rather than blurting out a wrote response of what I believe or corrections to what he said based on doctrine I follow.  That day will come when I invite him to come unto Christ, but first I must be a good friend who he trusts.

2. Practice what you preach

People watch us.  Those outside of our faith most especially.  They pay attention to what we say and what we do.  The people that seem to radiate the most light are those who have integrity. I’m more likely to listen to what those people have to say. If you know the scriptures backwards and forwards that’s all well and good, but how are you applying it? Do people see the gospel in action when they watch you?

For the other six ways head over to his blog and read them. I promise you won't regret it! 

You Matter.

I can't not share this video. Especially after just writing a post about my "shame triggers". Colbie Caillat nailed it. And good for her! We try so hard to impress everyone because we want them to love us, but in the process of doing that we forget to love ourselves. 

We are so hard on ourselves, and when I say we I mean I am. I always leave the house thinking "this is as good at is going to get". Or I'll dress differently or put on more makeup depending on who I'm around because I want to impress them. I spend all this time doing it but at the end of the day that time could have been used learning to love myself, and serving others. 

I don't know about you, but when they started wiping all their makeup off they all looked so much happier to me. 

Now this is not me saying don't wear makeup, never get dressed up, don't care what you look like. There is nothing wrong with any of those things but if you're using those things to impress others and to cover up who you really are then they can be a big distraction. Like Colbie said, "Take a breath, look into the mirror at yourself. Don't you like you? I like you". 

If we all just understood who we were I don't think this would be a problem. I grew up being taught I was the daughter of a King, a loving Heavenly Father. And while I believe this is true, sometimes I don't fully understand it. Which is why I am so hard on myself and also on others. Because I lose sight of who I really am. I'm busy looking at others and wishing I was like them, but the days I embrace me and love me I am so much happier!

If we just believed and remembered it always, what a difference it would make in our lives. What a difference we would make in each others lives. The most powerful Being in the universe knows you perfectly and He loves you with a love that is greater then any love we could imagine. If that is true, then why don't we love ourselves?

Think about your life. How would you act differently if you understood that you have divine parents? How would you feel about yourself? How would you feel about others? I know that as you and I come to understand who we are and whose we are we will begin to see a change occur in ourselves, and we will be able to start being a part of a change in the world.

Do you feel like you don't matter to anyone. I promise, you matter to Him. You matter to your Heavenly Father.

*You Matter To Him by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf
*We Are Daughters of Our Loving Heavenly Father by Elaine S. Dalton

Students Teach the Teacher.

I mentioned a while back about how when I came home from my mission for my church I was asked to start a class for all 16-19 year olds who wanted to prepare to serve a mission in our area. When I started it I had no idea how much it would change me, nor did I know that I would get to know some kids who would become my best friends.

This weekend another one of those kids left for her mission. I don't know if I can count how many students I've sent out on missions now but I can say that each good bye doesn't get easier. And that is because each one that I've sent out has taught me something new. What I've learned the most from them is that when it comes to friendship age doesn't mean a thing. These kids are quite a few years younger yet I've become very close with quite of few of them. They have shown me love that others never have, they have taught me what it looked like to serve and love everyone, what it meant to be be selfless, I could go on and on. Here I thought I had been asked to be their teacher and as I said goodbye to Jenna yesterday I realized how they all had been my teacher.

These three were my first missionaries to go out that were actually regulars in my class. Spencer (Paucha Mexico Mission), David (Anaheim California ASL Mission) and Julie (Washington D.C. Mission). We were quite the foursome. 

Yes we are twins, not triplets.

Tanner Risk (Marshall Islands Mission) and Julie again.  

I even got lucky enough to have Sydney (Mexico City East Mission) in my class!           

Jennifer Hochstrasser (Nashville Tennessee Mission) and Jenna Lythgoe (Scottsdale Arizona Mission).

Jenna Lythgoe is quite the extraordinary woman.  

Jenna Bell (Las Vegas Mission)...what a woman! I've seen her grow up from a little one. 

I have students in states all over the country and countries all over the world. 

When I came home I was in limbo and felt like I had no purpose, these kids gave me a purpose. They gave me the opportunity to share with them something I love so much. They loved me and included me. Everyone always says I helped them, but I know the truth. They helped me and they taught me. I was called to teach, but little did I know I was really the student.

Each and everyone of them are amazing. They are so strong and I know the world is going to be a better place because of them. I am still teaching this class and I'm excited to see where the next group goes. 

I'm going to succeed gloriously....

So last night I had dream after dream after dream of different things in my life completely failing. And when I say failing I mean crash and burn. Can you tell I'm under a little bit of stress right now? Work is really crazy. We're getting ready for two big events and guess what I'm the Event Coordinator so that means double time for me. And then on top of it my pre-planned relaxing trip to Portland for a long Memorial Day weekend had to be rescheduled. So it is safe to say my weekend started off pretty rough. On Friday I was hit with this overwhelming desire to follow my dreams but with no idea on how to make any of them happen. The desire to travel the world, to have my own family, to work with youth and make my mark in this world. So between that and the stress from work I was feeling pretty down, like I was going to fail at everything and I felt stuck. The feeling continued through till Sunday.

I went to church like always still not knowing what to do. As I was sitting with some of the other young women leaders one of them mentioned what our class was going to be on, personal revelation, and suggested that maybe the reason I needed to stay home from Portland was for the lesson. I laughed and said maybe. Then as I was sitting in the class with the other young women we were talking about receiving personal revelation for ourselves as well as making decisions. A quote came to my mind that I thought would be good for the girls to hear.

Today I was emailing back and forth with Sydney (Monday's are their email days) and he was giving me a fantastic pep talk. Telling me how much he believed in me, that I could do anything I put my mind to and all that good cheesy stuff that I love hearing from him. But as we were emailing I remembered that quote from yesterday. I realized I needed to remember that in my life and not just expect my young women to remember it. Sydney believes in me, my family believes in me, my Heavenly Father believes in me but sometimes I don't believe in myself. 

Yes I may not know right now how in the world I'm going to live my dreams, do all that I want to do and become unstuck but I do know that eventually I will. As I keep pushing forward and remember that I was put on earth to "succeed gloriously" I will be able to conquer all. Sydney reminded me that it is all about baby steps, and boy is he right. I think each of us, well at least I know I do, try to take these giant steps because I want results right away and if I can't get them I feel like a failure. But as I learn each time I do this I am more likely to succeed and grow when I take baby steps towards my dreams. It might take longer but I learn a whole lot more. A friend reminded me last week that our Heavenly Father can't steer a parked car. So it is time I get up and move, even if I'm just barely inching along. Because I am going to succeed gloriously! (And so are you)

What Matters Most

A friend got me thinking recently about what matters most to me. When he asked me I thought it was a simple answer: My religion, my family and Sydney. Probably cliche answers, but I'm okay with it. Then he asked why. That question gets me every time. With Sydney being gone for two years and not having to worry about dating it has really forced me to focus on myself. I can honestly say in the three months that he has been gone those three things have risen up even higher in importance. But why?

Why is my religion so important to me? I like to think the answer is simple: It gives me joy. Not just happiness, but pure joy. It gives me purpose.  And it fills me with peace. I'm one of those people who if I don't know why I'm doing something it is really hard to motivate me. But, most importantly, I know that it is true. As anyone who has ever heard me really talk about my faith they have heard me say that it is the one thing that is always constant in my life. It is the one thing that will never change. The only thing about it that will change is that my love for it will grow more and more. My religion is why I am the way I am. It is the reason I know who I am, it is the reason I don't have to wander through life without any direction or hope. It is everything to me. 

My family. I have been blessed with an amazing, big family. I'm the youngest of six kids, who all have been married and each have at least one child. Then there are my parents. I could do a whole blog post on how great they are. They have taken care of me even when they didn't have to, loved me when I didn't deserve it and raised me with me confidence, a good moral compass and love. They taught me to ask questions, find answers for myself. They taught me to love everyone, even if they don't love you back. They taught me the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and they taught me to love it. And they taught me to love life, to laugh and be happy. And most importantly my family matters so much to me because I know I will be with them forever and for that I am so grateful. 

Two grandkids not yet born and one in-law missing. April 2013

I hate being that girl who writes sappy things about her boyfriend but I find it important to talk about how Sydney can matter even more to me, even though we are 2,868 miles apart and only communicating by email and letters. Most people say long distance is too hard. And I agree with those people. But this long distance is different. We are growing closer because we are united in our cause and purpose. I, 110%, support Sydney in his decision to go on a mission. Yes it is so hard being apart from each other but the growth he is experiencing makes me love him more. And as I read about his experiences and what he is learning it makes me want to grow also. I think an important trait of a good relationship is that your significant other makes you want to be your best self. And most importantly knowing that he is out sharing the one thing that I love most in my life, the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Knowing he is giving other people the chance to feel the same peace, joy and purpose that I have makes me love him more. But why? Because for the first time in my life he is the one who gives me the desire to be my best self, who has broken down my wall of independence, who has cared for me in a way I didn't know someone could, who has shared my dreams and desires and supports every last one of them, makes me laugh, and loves me for exactly who I am.

Like I said...for exactly who I am. December 2013

As I'm writing this, I'm realizing the things that matter most to me all tie together. I wouldn't have as strong of a relationship with my family if it wasn't for my faith, and I wouldn't have my faith if it wasn't for my parents and finally I wouldn't know Sydney or have the strong relationship I have with him. I'm grateful that my friend got me thinking about this because it has helped me evaluate what matters to me and how I need to be doing more to treasure and care for these things. What matters the most to you? But most importantly why does it matter so much? I challenge you to figure that out. Knowing the "why" can make all the difference. 

The Long Yet Very Short Road Home

I know this blog was meant to be a record of my current adventures and experiences but many of you requested a more detailed version of my coming home from my mission and how I dealt with it. Excuse the length, a lot happened over a short time. Where do I begin....

So like I said previously, I was told I was going home and I just started crying. I was given 24-hour notice. Not a lot of time to adjust or prepare to go home. My companion, Sister Clegg, and I did our best to still work hard that day and get me all packed up. When Sister Clegg and I said our final goodbyes we cried on each others shoulders, and she told me to get back better and back to her as soon as I could. Now if you aren't familiar with how a mormon mission works missionaries are always in twos. And you and your companion are always together. Because of this you really grow close. And not only do you grow close as friends but you grow close on a deeper level because you are serving and going through trials together. Sister Clegg and I had become best friends.

Okay back to the story... I flew home and as I was walking through security I saw my parents and I started crying. I think it may be the only time in my life I've cried tears of sadness when I saw my parents. Not because I didn't love them but because I wanted to be back on my mission. Coming home wasn't as hard as I thought it would be but that isn't because I wasn't in a hard situation, it was because the Lord still had a work for me to do. I still had a purpose outside of the many many doctor appointments. As I mentioned in the previous post I was called to teach a class for all those preparing to serve a mission as well as work with the young woman in our church. I poured everything I had into those callings but still lived day to day as if I could return at anytime.

My first group of mission prep students.

Now if you are a member of the LDS faith or not something to be known is that it isn't easy for a missionary to come home before his or her previously set return date. Look at it this way. As missionaries we prepares ourselves in every way possible. Physically, mentally and spiritually to go and serve for 18 months or two years. We quit our jobs, put school on hold, tell our loved ones goodbye, all so we can go out and share something that we love so much with others, and then you're told you won't be finishing it. Now it isn't like they were sending me home for bad behavior but I still had moments where I felt rejected and unwanted. But that was not the case at all. Looking back now I know the Lord had a new plan for me. I know he meant for me to come home and have the experiences I had here.

So I was home and for four months I lived in limbo. Doctor appointment after doctor appointment. Outside of my classes that I taught I had no real purpose. I couldn't get a job due to the severity of my headaches, all of my friends were back in Utah (where I was living previous to my mission), and on top of that there weren't many people in my area my age that I knew. I've had many people ask how did you come out of this situation on top and so positive. First let me tell you I wasn't always positive. I definitely had my low moments, or as my mom calls them, fetal position moments, where I didn't get why I was going through this and let me tell you I wasn't proud of those moments. I had moments where I felt like a complete and total failure. I couldn't even finish 18 months, how was I supposed to ever do anything else hard in my life! But I'll get to the point...how did I come out on top.

I came out on top because on my mission I gained a deep love for my Savior and the Atonement, and learned that He has a plan for me, and that His plan was always better then mine. As I remembered that or was reminded of that during the low moments I was able to rise back up and push forward. I worked hard to remember that so I would have less low moments. I knew how I reacted to coming home from my mission was going to define the rest of my life and I wasn't about to let it ruin it. I promised myself that I wouldn't go back to who I was before my mission, that I wouldn't forget about all I learned in those few short months, and that I'd always remember Christ. I made sure I did the important things daily. I read my Book of Mormon every single day. When feelings of anger or thoughts of self-loathing came into my mind I reminded myself of what opportunities I was having because I was home that I never would have had elsewhere. Now I didn't do all of this alone. I had/have a great support team. I have a fantastic family that was very supportive and most importantly I had a mother who stood by me every step of the way. Who helped me through the low moments and was happy with me during the high moments. She never gave up on me. And then I had Jesus Christ. I felt His love on a daily basis. I felt it through my students, through my family and through the many blessings He brought into my life over the past sixteen months that I have been home. And of course I have to be cheesy and mention that if I hadn't come home I don't know if I would have ever met Sydney :). And many have also asked me about my headaches. No they are not gone. I always have a headache and have migraines on a regular basis. But you know the Lord has given me some serious strength so I can get on with my life until we find a solution to them.

So that is me, that is my story. If you are a missionary who came home early or anyone who overcame the odds during something really hard I'd love to hear your experience. If you have any questions or comments I'd love to hear from you. I feel so blessed and honored by the response I received from my first post. Thank you for joining with me on this journey.

Sister Clegg and I at the Columbia River Temple

Welcome to my Journey.

My name is Sierra and I'm living a life I never could have imagined, and for that I am grateful. I've always been a planner when it came to my life but all that changed May 2012. I had just graduated from BYU-Idaho and was living in Salt Lake City, Utah. I loved my life. I had great roommates, great friends and life was an adventure. But then I got an answer that it was time for me to serve a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. It wasn't part of my plan and after two months of struggling with this choice I decided it was time and submitted my papers.

 I was called on July 25, 2012 to serve in the Washington Kennewick Mission. Now this came as a bit of a shock to me because I was from Olympia Washington, but nonetheless I was excited. I was excited to serve the Lord and become one of His missionaries. I entered the MTC on October 10, 2012. About a month into my mission I started having daily migraines that made life as a missionary really difficult. After a month of doctor appointments, phone calls home, meetings with my mission president I decided I was done. Not done with my mission but done with letting my headaches be a hindrance in my life. I told my mission president I had accepted that I may have daily migraines for the rest of my life and that he wouldn't hear from me about them again. Three days later he called to tell me that they had decided to send me home for medical treatment and as soon as it was figured out I could come home. I was devastated. Once again there went my plans. I went home on January 19, 2013 with no idea what the future held for me but something inside of me knew everything would be okay.

Fast forward five months and we still hadn't found out the cause of my headaches. But the five months hadn't been wasted. I had been called as the Stake Mission Prep teacher, which helps prepare anyone in our area prepare to serve a mission. As well as a Beehive Adviser in the Young Woman program that our church has. Both callings were very humbling and I learned so much. I found I was still serving a mission. In the end of May my leaders and I decided it was time to move on and be officially released from my mission. It was bittersweet. I was excited to move on with my life and see what the future held next but I was scared because I had been holding on to my mission for so long. But the next week everything changed......

I met Sydney Easter. To avoid telling you the long detailed story I'll sum it up the best I can. Sydney and I were from the same ward. He moved in when he was 10 and I was 14. Yes you read that right, I'm older then him. Because I was older then him we never interacted let alone spoke two words to each other. The weekend I met him he was home from Boston for his brothers high school graduation and his dad convinced him to text me, much to my surprise. In fact when I got the text from him I had no idea who "Sydney" was. Finally I figured it out and agreed to doing something with him. I wanted it to be a short lunch or movie to avoid too much awkwardness. Well the lunch turned into a whole weekend of fun together and then he headed back to Boston. I figured we'd stay in touch and become good friends. Before I knew it we were talking every single day and he had planned another trip home six weeks later. The week before his visit home he surprised me with the news that he was moving home. He said it was time. Long story short we started officially dating in August 2013 and were inseparable, something I have never been in a relationship. He received his mission call a month later to the Mexico City East Mission leaving February 5, 2014. A long wait but it was the exact amount of time we needed. I grew to love him in a way I had only heard stories about and seen in movies. Waiting for a missionary was always a crazy idea to me and something I never planned on doing. Once again my planning was out the window. But I don't think of it as waiting. I think of it as living, growing, serving, loving, crying, laughing and preparing for our future. He has been gone for a little over three months and it has been an amazing journey so far. While he is serving the Lord in Mexico City, I am working as an Event Coordinator in Lacey Washington looking for my own personal adventures and opportunities for growth. I don't know if anyone will ever read this blog but I'm starting it with the sole purpose of recording our experiences and growth so that Sydney can read it when he comes home. But if I do have readers welcome to our two year journey of joy and struggles!