Stop. Breath. Live.

Life is crazy right now....

Next Saturday is the South Sound BBQ Festival in Lacey, WA.

I'm the Event Coordinator in charge of it and this is my first year doing it and we are expecting 15,000 people. So as you can imagine work has been non-stop for the past few weeks. Man I'm excited, but I'm a little bit more excited for the day afterwords.

Last Saturday my parents and I took a day trip down to Portland to see my sister and her family. It was only a day but it was fantastic! Hung out in her backyard, soaked up some much needed sun and then went blueberry picking.

Don't mind my face. I'm obviously not very photogenic, but the whole purpose of this picture was to show you my amazing multi-tasking skills. I mean look at me, holding a baby and picking blueberries. I'm living the dream.

Monday I got to go to one of my favorite places in Seattle with one of my favorite families. This is Sydney's family minus his dad (he is taking the picture). They are so great to include me in family outings even though Sydney is gone. 

 Safeco Field to watch the Mariners vs. Red Sox. So much fun. And since I'm a fan of both teams I knew I'd leave happy either way. And guess what the Mariners won, 12-3 so I was extra happy.

David Ortiz doing his thing. So much fun to watch.

The rest of my out of work time has been filled with helping my mother at her fantastic DoTerra classes, hanging out with my new Brazilian friends, re-arranging my room, mission call openings, and church. I get to go out with the Sister missionaries tonight. I always love going out with them because it is an opportunity for me to really forget myself and help others feel the joy and happiness that I feel.

My goal right now is to start becoming more productive with my time outside of work. Usually I get off work and I'm so tired I don't want to do anything. But after writing about confidence last week I realized this is probably why I've been struggling lately. I'm not doing anything for me or even for others. I'm not living!

I want to work on making my room a clean, peaceful, inspiring place for me. Get back to my music side. I haven't practiced piano or violin in ages! Not to mention the only singing I do is in the car and shower. Oh and I really want to learn to play the guitar. I also want to up my exercise. Ideally I want to start exercising in the morning but I really have a hard time getting up earlier then I need to. Any tips? I'm all ears!

Here is to life and to living it, instead of letting it live you. Who wants to join me?!

How Do We Get Confidence?

Growing up I was always taught how important it was to have confidence and believe in myself. I never thought I had any confidence problems. In fact I specifically remember my dad saying, "Sierra the Prophet (the main leader of our church) taught us to raise our kids with confidence. You, have too much." I think this was after I told him he could not wear Crocs out in public. All in jest of course but he was partly right.

See, confidence was not in short supply in high school. 

Now this isn't to say I never have my low self-confidence moments. I just didn't really have them in high school. But about three years ago was when I realized how important confidence is in all that we do. I specifically remember the day. It was as chance in counter at my current job with a girl who wouldn't make eye contact with me, while near by was a group of cheerleaders. 

This girl had acne, a little heavier, I think even braces, but still a cute girl. I tried so hard to interact with her. Ask her how she was doing etc but she'd just mumble responses. I could tell from watching she felt uncomfortable near those girls. Now these girls were your normal cheerleaders. Small and peppy. But they weren't drop dead gorgeous by any means. But you could tell they were confident by the way they carried themselves.

This experience may seem small to you but to me, three years later it has not left my mind. And I will tell you why...

There are many things in life that can help us build confidence but I believe one of the many things is having a talent or skill. Having something that you know you're good at and with that having someone who believes in you.

 I had a best friend in high school who was a little bigger but was one of the most popular girls in school. She had a voice that was amazing, and a personality that made others want to be around her. She could have easily thought less of herself because of her size but because she had friends and family who loved her for who she was, and she had things she knew she was good at, she never let it bring her down. It was amazing to me. 

I have recently found this principle to be true for myself. When I am not growing my talents or I'm not surrounded by those who support me and build me up I don't think very highly of myself. So I've found that as I pick a new hobby to learn or start a project, something that shows progression, and as I get better at it my confidence increases. It is amazing. And yes, much of our confidence must come from the inside. We must believe in ourselves. We can help build that inner confidence by working on ourselves as a whole.

Now many people do not have a great support system, or have a support system at all. I can't even imagine what that would be like. Which is why we should all reach out to each other, love each other and support each other in our activities and dreams. We have all heard the quote by Plato,

So today I'm going to find something new to learn, or work on something I've left forgotten and I'm going to find someone who is in need of support in their choices, activities and dreams. What will you do to help increase your confidence and the confidence in others around you?

                           

Comfort Zones

We all have our comfort zones. The place in our lives where we are most comfortable and things are easy. I have been taught my whole life and also learned from personal experience how much growth occurs for me when I take a step outside of my comfort zone. It isn't an easy step, but an important one nonetheless.

Today I had an epiphany, indulge me for a second. I love adventure, but would you believe I also hate it. Most people would never guess this about me. I come across as someone who loves spontaneity and excitement. And while they aren't completely wrong, I have this other side of me who is terrified of change and the unknown. I go searching for adventures and new experiences but most of the time I don't follow through.

Recently I have be presented with an adventure of a lifetime. One I've dreamed of for years. Everything about this adventure was/is perfect and I even have the perfect partner in crime who would embark on this adventure with me. But then I froze. At first I thought it was just because it wasn't the right thing for me. Then I considered maybe I was just scared of the change. I was sure hoping it wasn't that because I wanted to get over my fear of change and new things. But then this was when the epiphany hit...wait for it. What if the reason I was feeling hesitant was because where I am at right now may seem like a "comfort zone" from the casual look, but as one examines it closer it is far from my comfort zone.

You're now thinking I'm completely crazy but don't abandon me just yet. I might be way off base here but at the same time I think I've struck gold. If where I'm at right now was my so called comfort zone then why do I struggle with it so badly. Why am I searching for a way out? Maybe that is why I feel the need to stay here, because here is where my growth is occurring. I'm learning how to live a whole different life then I'm accustomed to.

So my point. Maybe sometimes we go looking for these big, grand adventures so that we can grow and learn, so we can get away from the certain situation that we are in. Maybe we think we are stuck in our comfort zone. But have you ever thought maybe you hate said "comfort zone" so much just because it is testing you and forcing you to grow?

I don't know if this makes any sense, I mean I only figured this out this week. And I'm not even sure how to exactly explain it, except that sometimes we think we need to run or get out of our comfort zone because it is dull and boring but I think we are wrong. At least I've been wrong.

For me I'm trying to examine what I think is my comfort zone and as I do I realize it I've been far off. And I know that because I have really hard days that stretch me and force me to grow. But I've thought all along that I was in a comfort zone because I was free from the trials I would normally experience. It isn't crazy different, in some new location that I've never been, surrounded be people I don't know. In fact I'm surrounded by my family. But sometimes stepping out of our said comfort zone isn't exactly what we need. Sometimes it is where the most growing occurs.

Students Teach the Teacher.

I mentioned a while back about how when I came home from my mission for my church I was asked to start a class for all 16-19 year olds who wanted to prepare to serve a mission in our area. When I started it I had no idea how much it would change me, nor did I know that I would get to know some kids who would become my best friends.

This weekend another one of those kids left for her mission. I don't know if I can count how many students I've sent out on missions now but I can say that each good bye doesn't get easier. And that is because each one that I've sent out has taught me something new. What I've learned the most from them is that when it comes to friendship age doesn't mean a thing. These kids are quite a few years younger yet I've become very close with quite of few of them. They have shown me love that others never have, they have taught me what it looked like to serve and love everyone, what it meant to be be selfless, I could go on and on. Here I thought I had been asked to be their teacher and as I said goodbye to Jenna yesterday I realized how they all had been my teacher.

These three were my first missionaries to go out that were actually regulars in my class. Spencer (Paucha Mexico Mission), David (Anaheim California ASL Mission) and Julie (Washington D.C. Mission). We were quite the foursome. 

Yes we are twins, not triplets.

Tanner Risk (Marshall Islands Mission) and Julie again.  

I even got lucky enough to have Sydney (Mexico City East Mission) in my class!           

Jennifer Hochstrasser (Nashville Tennessee Mission) and Jenna Lythgoe (Scottsdale Arizona Mission).

Jenna Lythgoe is quite the extraordinary woman.  

Jenna Bell (Las Vegas Mission)...what a woman! I've seen her grow up from a little one. 

I have students in states all over the country and countries all over the world. 

When I came home I was in limbo and felt like I had no purpose, these kids gave me a purpose. They gave me the opportunity to share with them something I love so much. They loved me and included me. Everyone always says I helped them, but I know the truth. They helped me and they taught me. I was called to teach, but little did I know I was really the student.

Each and everyone of them are amazing. They are so strong and I know the world is going to be a better place because of them. I am still teaching this class and I'm excited to see where the next group goes. 

Whatever You Are.....

I'm going to write a little bit about Sydney tonight. I promise I won't gush too much. But he has taught me an amazing lesson over the past three and a half months, actually he has taught me this lesson since I met him but tonight we are sticking to his time on a mission.

Sydney is serving in the Mexico City East Mission and is currently in an area that is very poor and not very clean. Well his second week in Mexico he came down with appendicitis and had to have his appendix removed. Then about two weeks later he got a stomach infection and then about three weeks later he got an intestine infection. Visiting the hospital three times during all of this. And on top of all of these health problems he is in a brand new country, he is learning a new language and missing home. I know I'm not the most descriptive writer but I hope I've painted a good picture of what he was going through. I think through out all of this he complained to me twice, maybe.

After the appendix surgery.

Now what does "whatever you are, be a good one"have to do with not complaining? Sydney has this philosophy if he is going to do something, he is going to do it! I remember on my mission when the pain was really bad I'd talk about maybe going home in moments of weakness. But all Sydney has ever said in the two times he has complained was that it was hard, but that he was doing his best to get better. He could have easily asked to come home to get better, or complained to me, his girlfriend who would understand being a sick missionary. But now he just talked about wanting to get better so he can be the best missionary he can be. Each week as he writes me I feel how happy he is through his words despite the struggles that he is having. He knows during this time his calling is to be a missionary and so he figures even though he keeps getting sick and could make all the excuses in the world to not work hard, he is going to keep going. He is going to be a good missionary.

Soccer with the other Elders. Look how happy he is!

Not only am I in love with this amazing man but I am learning new things from him all the time. He is living Abraham Lincoln's wise words. So as I realized what example he was setting for me I decided it was time for me to bloom where I was planted and be the best I can be. Even though sometimes I may not be happy with where I am or what I'm doing it is important to be present and do the best I can. I've been practicing this just the past few days and man I've seen such a difference. Yes I'm exhausted and sometimes I don't get everything done I need to, but I feel fulfilled. It is a good exhaustion. I know that I'm living in the present and I feel at peace. So guys "whatever you are, be a good one".

I'm going to succeed gloriously....

So last night I had dream after dream after dream of different things in my life completely failing. And when I say failing I mean crash and burn. Can you tell I'm under a little bit of stress right now? Work is really crazy. We're getting ready for two big events and guess what I'm the Event Coordinator so that means double time for me. And then on top of it my pre-planned relaxing trip to Portland for a long Memorial Day weekend had to be rescheduled. So it is safe to say my weekend started off pretty rough. On Friday I was hit with this overwhelming desire to follow my dreams but with no idea on how to make any of them happen. The desire to travel the world, to have my own family, to work with youth and make my mark in this world. So between that and the stress from work I was feeling pretty down, like I was going to fail at everything and I felt stuck. The feeling continued through till Sunday.

I went to church like always still not knowing what to do. As I was sitting with some of the other young women leaders one of them mentioned what our class was going to be on, personal revelation, and suggested that maybe the reason I needed to stay home from Portland was for the lesson. I laughed and said maybe. Then as I was sitting in the class with the other young women we were talking about receiving personal revelation for ourselves as well as making decisions. A quote came to my mind that I thought would be good for the girls to hear.

Today I was emailing back and forth with Sydney (Monday's are their email days) and he was giving me a fantastic pep talk. Telling me how much he believed in me, that I could do anything I put my mind to and all that good cheesy stuff that I love hearing from him. But as we were emailing I remembered that quote from yesterday. I realized I needed to remember that in my life and not just expect my young women to remember it. Sydney believes in me, my family believes in me, my Heavenly Father believes in me but sometimes I don't believe in myself. 

Yes I may not know right now how in the world I'm going to live my dreams, do all that I want to do and become unstuck but I do know that eventually I will. As I keep pushing forward and remember that I was put on earth to "succeed gloriously" I will be able to conquer all. Sydney reminded me that it is all about baby steps, and boy is he right. I think each of us, well at least I know I do, try to take these giant steps because I want results right away and if I can't get them I feel like a failure. But as I learn each time I do this I am more likely to succeed and grow when I take baby steps towards my dreams. It might take longer but I learn a whole lot more. A friend reminded me last week that our Heavenly Father can't steer a parked car. So it is time I get up and move, even if I'm just barely inching along. Because I am going to succeed gloriously! (And so are you)

What Matters Most

A friend got me thinking recently about what matters most to me. When he asked me I thought it was a simple answer: My religion, my family and Sydney. Probably cliche answers, but I'm okay with it. Then he asked why. That question gets me every time. With Sydney being gone for two years and not having to worry about dating it has really forced me to focus on myself. I can honestly say in the three months that he has been gone those three things have risen up even higher in importance. But why?

Why is my religion so important to me? I like to think the answer is simple: It gives me joy. Not just happiness, but pure joy. It gives me purpose.  And it fills me with peace. I'm one of those people who if I don't know why I'm doing something it is really hard to motivate me. But, most importantly, I know that it is true. As anyone who has ever heard me really talk about my faith they have heard me say that it is the one thing that is always constant in my life. It is the one thing that will never change. The only thing about it that will change is that my love for it will grow more and more. My religion is why I am the way I am. It is the reason I know who I am, it is the reason I don't have to wander through life without any direction or hope. It is everything to me. 

My family. I have been blessed with an amazing, big family. I'm the youngest of six kids, who all have been married and each have at least one child. Then there are my parents. I could do a whole blog post on how great they are. They have taken care of me even when they didn't have to, loved me when I didn't deserve it and raised me with me confidence, a good moral compass and love. They taught me to ask questions, find answers for myself. They taught me to love everyone, even if they don't love you back. They taught me the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and they taught me to love it. And they taught me to love life, to laugh and be happy. And most importantly my family matters so much to me because I know I will be with them forever and for that I am so grateful. 

Two grandkids not yet born and one in-law missing. April 2013

I hate being that girl who writes sappy things about her boyfriend but I find it important to talk about how Sydney can matter even more to me, even though we are 2,868 miles apart and only communicating by email and letters. Most people say long distance is too hard. And I agree with those people. But this long distance is different. We are growing closer because we are united in our cause and purpose. I, 110%, support Sydney in his decision to go on a mission. Yes it is so hard being apart from each other but the growth he is experiencing makes me love him more. And as I read about his experiences and what he is learning it makes me want to grow also. I think an important trait of a good relationship is that your significant other makes you want to be your best self. And most importantly knowing that he is out sharing the one thing that I love most in my life, the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Knowing he is giving other people the chance to feel the same peace, joy and purpose that I have makes me love him more. But why? Because for the first time in my life he is the one who gives me the desire to be my best self, who has broken down my wall of independence, who has cared for me in a way I didn't know someone could, who has shared my dreams and desires and supports every last one of them, makes me laugh, and loves me for exactly who I am.

Like I said...for exactly who I am. December 2013

As I'm writing this, I'm realizing the things that matter most to me all tie together. I wouldn't have as strong of a relationship with my family if it wasn't for my faith, and I wouldn't have my faith if it wasn't for my parents and finally I wouldn't know Sydney or have the strong relationship I have with him. I'm grateful that my friend got me thinking about this because it has helped me evaluate what matters to me and how I need to be doing more to treasure and care for these things. What matters the most to you? But most importantly why does it matter so much? I challenge you to figure that out. Knowing the "why" can make all the difference.